bbp4398's blog

Lyrics:

I was feeling so lost
I was feeling so blue
Don’t know what I would have done,
If it wasn’t for you

You stepped right up,
to pull me through
so here I am to say- Thank you, Thank you.

I appreciate your kindness in these times.
It’s angels like you that get me by.
My tears fell down, and there you were to catch them,
My heart’s so full of appreciation.

So, Thank you, thank you
you saved me, you pulled me through.

When my world was dark, you brought light
when my heart burned out, you brought life

So, Thank you, Thank you
You saved me, you pulled me through
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

It’s funny that its called bed rest, because when I’m on it, I can’t seem to get any rest in bed. I have to watch the kids, feed them, change them, keep up with them. I have to get up to feed myself, go to the bathroom. I have to manage not to nod off when the baby is awake so she doesn’t get into things that may be dangerous for her, after all, she is not to be underestimated. I have school work, things to study for. I have housework. I have phone calls and emails to attend to. So bed rest should really be called: Try not to do too much, but you have to anyway. Yes, it may seem like I’m complaining, but that’s only because I am. I wish I could have a few days with a bed, an IV, and a catheter, and a nanny/housekeeper. Then I would get sufficient REST. But dreams will be dreams as long as they are unreachable I suppose, and that dream will never be a reality. For now I have to settle for a little rest. At least I don’t have to chauffeur anyone or cook for anyone. I will rest as much as possible here, then be strong.

Morale: Life doesn’t always meet our expectations. The good thing is, when the pain is gone, it makes us stronger. (I will be a VERY strong woman soon.)

Life is precious, and fleeting, and time is running fast through it. If there were to be no tomorrows, and all we have are the memories of our yesterdays, then today will be bittersweet. Hold on to those happy times, and let go of the bad. Hold dear the ones you love, especially when they love you too. Be the best you can be everyday so your memory will be one of hope, love, peace, happiness, and amazement. If the days of your life were a scrapbook, would the pictures be inspiring and joyful or shamefully sorrowful? Hold on to your life with all of your heart- build a place in your heart; a place for your soul, your uniqueness. Let your life be legendary. Make a difference in someone’s life today and every day after that.And if the tomorrows never come again, at least the yesterdays will live on in the hearts of those you loved. Love is the force behind all greatness. Make your life great- Love yourself, and the people who have made a difference in your life, and your legacy will be one of peace, hope, happiness and love.

Love is not strong enough a word to express my feelings for these children.
I cannot breathe, live without these gorgeous angelic children.
My babies are my sun my moon my sky.
They uplift me, support me, cradle my soul when it is losing hope.
They are the strong ones when I am weak.
Though they are little, their hearts are so big.
They make me see the world differently; everything is brighter through the eyes of an angel.
They make me smile when I am dark inside.
They make pain and sorrow melt away like ice cubes on a hot day.
These children are my masterpiece, my amazing works.
These babies are my legacy.
I know when I leave this place, I will live on through them.
I know when they grow up they will be a remarkable impact on this world, for they already are.
Holding them, brushing my hand across their precious faces and looking into those big beautiful blue eyes shape me into the person I long to be.
They make me real. They make me shine. They make me believe in hope, joy, and faith.
They bring God to this place.
They are my babies.

So, I went to the emergency room last night because I was swollen over my entire body and having muscle contractions in my chest and stomach (after a surgery). It really was a pain worse than labor pains. I was miserable. I just wanted to be relieved from the pain, given something for the swelling, change my current prescriptions to something better for me and go home.

Instead I had to be there for nearly five hours without assistance before I was given any medication for the pain. I was crying and not one nurse came to check on me. There wasn’t a single nurse call button anywhere. There was a TV with no remote to turn it on for a nice distraction from the pain. I was too weak to get out of bed on my own and I had to go to the restroom.

Getting up was so incredibly painful that I nearly passed out from the pain…still no nurses anywhere. I had to yell at the top of my lungs after yelling “nurse, nurse” in a normal raised voice several times before a nurse finally came in. I had wounds that needed to be dressed and the nurse said she couldn’t do it. I was cold and uncomfortable and never offered a blanket, pillow, not even a glass of water.

The ER is never a pleasant place, but some of them have wonderful staffs that are attentive and sweet to their patients…this was not one of them. I didn’t feel like a “guest” in this hospital, but more like a parasite that they needed to get rid of. I felt like the doctor didn’t listen to a single word I said and it really seemed like she didn’t care about her patients much at all.

The worst part was that I could hear every word the nurses said from the nursing station outside my door…but they couldn’t hear me calling “nurse, nurse,” and what’s worse- they were badmouthing the patients, including myself. They said I only came in because I wanted more pain medicine and they couldn’t believe I took an ambulance to get there. They said that coming into the ER for swelling is stupid. How do they know how much pain I was or wasn’t in? How dare they say coming into the ER was stupid? It’s never stupid. If you feel terrible and are worried about your well being then you need to go to the ER. That’s what the doctors tell you to do.

Finally a nice nurse shows up and pushes for some pain medicine and ibuprofen for the swelling. I was so relieved both physically and emotionally for the actions of this nurse. She listened to my concerns and made me feel a lot better; she gave me peace of mind.

I just want to say to all ER doctors and nurses: Please remember that every person in the ER is there because they are sincerely concerned for their health, and there are very few people who abuse the ER for medicines they do not need. Please try not to be desensitized over time. Please put on your smiling faces and try to treat each patient special and make their day somehow.

To the nurse who helped me last night: Thank you so much. I can’t thank you enough for the relief you gave me. I was very tearful before you showed up to save the day. I don’t think I will visit that ER facility again, but know that I appreciate what you did for me. Thank you again.

To the other doctors and nurses on the staff: you may want to find another profession because being in a service related industry means that you actually care about serving others and it was very obvious that you do not care.

Thank you all for reading and I’ll keep you posted about my surgery and recovery as news arises. <3

So, I made a new site. I really love it. I hope it will help me get an amazing job after I graduate. Here it is: check me out: http://www.britneybrianne.com/

I recently went under the knife in efforts to feel better both physically and mentally. I had three surgeries at one time! It was very intensive. Coming out of the surgery I feel so much better, but I don’t think it’s my appearance that I’m so happy about. I think it’s just a state of mind. I feel like a barbie doll, pretty and confident, and loved. My friends and family have been there to support me and my decisions and my recovery and I feel truly blessed to have them in my life. Thanks everyone, for making my dream of being a barbie doll come true! Now if only Matel would get the message and start selling Britney Brianne Dolls on the market!

Being a mom is so difficult, rewarding, but difficult. I had a surgery recently and I can’t hold my two year old daughter. I absolutely hate this. She loves to be held and I can’t get enough of it either, but alas I cannot hold her until I heal. My son is six years old. It’s really hard to discipline him when he’s such a good boy most of the time. It makes me feel guilty to ground him when he’s been good all day, and had a lapse of bad attitude for a moment of that day. But I know I have to teach him how to behave, so he’s grounded. He nearly made me cry today. He was just so upset because I wouldn’t let him play outside without a jacket and he couldn’t find one. He was so angry with me. I just feel so bad for him when he has moments like that. He’s just a little boy. Before his temper tantrum he helped me clean the whole house. It was so sweet of him to help me, since I can’t do much until I heal from surgery. I love my kids so much, but again, being a mom is so hard. I think the hardest part is discipline. You never want to punish your children, after all they’re your babies! But I think I’m doing a good job of balancing discipline and friendship. My kids love me, and I love them. They are my best friends in this whole world and always will be if I can help it. That’s the rewarding part of being a parent. That’s what makes me smile every day. That’s the greatest gift you can get.

It’s so crazy trying to decide what happens to my body, my things, my money, my children, my home, and my family after I die. Not to mention all of the funeral arrangements to think about. I want people to cry when they are at the funeral, then laugh about stories about me, then go on a boat ride to put my ashes in the ocean and feel at peace knowing that I am at my favorite place in the world. I love the thought of giving people a peace of mind that I was taken to a happier place, but I will always be with them. The music I chose to play at my funeral is very sad, however. “If I ever leave this world alive”, “The funeral song/ I died in my dreams”, and “I’ll follow you into the dark” are all quite sad, but they mean something to me. They speak to me. I think that’s what matters, creating a funeral that brings out who you were. I know that everyone will be wearing pink at my funeral because that is the color of my inner soul. I love pink! I also know that I want photos from all walks of my life displayed in a slide show. I’ve been thinking about making one myself, that can be added to it by my survived loved ones. I just know that I want everyone to be happy when I die, happy that I am in a better place.

Just sittin outside enjoying the day,

Thinkin about you, hopin you’ll never go away.

Regrettin my past and lovin my tomorrows,

Knowin that you’ll be here to ease my sorrows.

I’m not perfect but I know this,

I’ll love you with every kiss.

The spark in your eyes, the touch of your lips,

The tingle I get from your finger tips.

I’ll be at your side through every day,

and we’ll be happy as long as you’ll stay.

I love you Roberto, more than I can say!