Thursday, March 27, 2008
8:15-29, 4:51-55, 5:15-29
Today the textbook talks about replacing tired words with more descriptive words. I will work on that today.
I noticed that I use born a lot in the first paragraph so I decided to change the first one to “came into the world.”
O.K. As I am reading my story trying to look for the boring, overused, tired words, I admit that it is very hard. The book recommends replacing words like “thing” with more interesting and descriptive words. I am having a hard time. . . My editions are in green (and yesterday‘s in blue). I am learning that revising takes more time than composing – or maybe I just need more practice at it.
I am not sure if I did a good job at this, but for the remaining amount of my time today I am going to do is another activity from The Revision Toolbox. I am going to try to cut out things that do not go. The textbook states that up to half of what people write can be edited out. I will try to cut out the things that get the story out of focus or are frivoulous or unneeded. I will cut out everything I think is unneeded and if I need to add a little to make it more clear I will add it in purple.
I did the strikeouts until Joyce landed the job as a city bus driver, but now my time is up. I will have to return tomorrow and do more. This is what I worked on today:
As Joyce grew up she faced many difficulties. After Joyce’s family moved to Texas at age three her mother abandoned the family, so Joyce and her younger brother, Alvis, were sent to live with their grandparents. There Joyce remembers Grandma making biscuits on the wood stove and Grandpa quoting scripture. Joyce learned a lot from her grandparents, but her father would soon remarry again and Joyce adjusted, once again, to a new home life.
Over time little Joyce grew and matured into a beautiful young woman. One day while roller skating with her friend she met a handsome and charming fellow named John. John was a wonderful guy, but he was sometimes tricky. The day she met him he pretended he didn’t know how to roller skate. All the girls crowded around him to show him how to skate, but soon he laughed and skated away showing that he had known how to skate the whole time.
Joyce met and married a handsome fellow named John. After Joyce and John married, As their family began to grow with the addition of as they had two baby girls, Alice and Barbara, John landed a crutial job driving a Dallas city bus. In 1941 the United States entered World War II and by 1944 John was drafted into the US Army. Joyce was pregnant with their third daughter, Linda, when John was shipped off to France. Also around that time Joyce then decided to drive a city bus, making her one of the first lady bus drivers in Dallas.
I really enjoyed your comments on revision and you are right, it isn’t easy. I liked how you first spoke about your experience, but then also included your own work. I too find that I spend a significant amount of time once I go back and start rereading my writing; definitely seems like more time than the initial composing.
Your comments about the text and rereading for better use of words when it comes to items like “thing” or similar words is a great point to address in my own writing and with students.
Megan
Megan,
Thank you so much for your reply. I am glad that someone sees how hard revision is. I did not sincerely realize it until I started reading this textbook. I feel like I now have a better appreciation for what students go through. I would highly recommend using the ideas in this textbook. They are really good.
Donna