Heels and Pearls

Well, I would have posted about a half and hour ago, but I’ve been carefully building a fire in my fireplace (with NO fire starter!) since 9:30ish. Yeah, it took that long and yeah, I love fires so stinkin’ much I was that patient. Or maybe I’m just hyped up on caffeine and in no hurry to get my post posted tonight.

Either way, I noticed something about the logs that I realized, gazing into the glowing embers, relates perfectly to women. Any log worth catching in the fireplace, is a big sturdy log. The little twigs that I just found by my apartment’s trash dumpster did a great job of catching the flame quickly, but they gave out pretty fast. Even though it’s taken the better part of 45 minutes to get the actual logs to catch, they’re the ones that will keep burning by themselves while I write on my computer a few feet away.

I think that’s kind of how God sees and uses us. He likes all the wood. And we all start as twigs. But the logs which have grown up and matured, are far more useful. They can go the distance and they stay lit even when they’re not constantly beeing tended and mixed with newspaper. God can do a lot more when he’s trained us up well enough to stay lit for him without needing what the Bible refers to as spiritual ‘milk’, as opposed to spiritual ‘meat.’

We shouldn’t be on such a rollercoaster-type Christian walk that we are on fire for God one moment and then have to wait for the next big conference or new book to get us “fired up” again. We are called to be consistant and to always be ready to give a defense for the hope that we have in Christ (I Peter 3:15). Not sometimes, when we feel like it, on occasion, after a little thought, in the right moment or when everyone else is. But all the time.

I want to be a burning, raging fire. One that emanates heat to all those around them. One that can really light up a dark room. And one that stays lit longer than a split second.

Well, would ya look at that. My fire’s finally taking care of itself, catching on fire on the whole large part of the log, popping and crackling. It’s even got that ‘whooshing’ fire sound and it’s warming me up from three feet away.

LORD, let me be a burning log, not a flaming piece of kindling.

As we stood, towels in hand, around the grey 50 gallon trash can I’d just lugged from the gym’s laundry room, somehow conversation at work drifted from music to restaurants to margaritas.

Music-wise, we were trying to remember what song Taio Cruz sings about putting your hands up. Restaurant-wise, we were talking about the new Babe’s in Arlington and the food at Joe T. Garcia’s. And that’s where it turned to alcohol.

“I’m not so hot on the food at Joe T’s,” one of my co-workers said. “But as long as I drink one of their margaritas first, I can tolerate it.”

Personally, I LOVE Joe T’s food. And I said so.

“Well, if you like Joe T’s, you obviously like their food,” someone else said.

I asked them why they said that, and everyone kind of laughed. They said that I wouldn’t go their to have margaritas, so if I like it, is must be because of the food.

“How do you know I don’t drink their margaritas?” I asked.

As if the answer were as clear as a Minnesota blue-sky, they all said because I don’t drink. I just dont, they said.

Well they’re right, I don’t. But I had never told them that. We usually talk about weight machines that need fixing, the temperature of the pool and whether any toilets need plunging. But alcohol? We don’t usually have time to chat about that.

Somehow, though, they were all convinced, pretty much beyond any doubt, that I don’t drink.

I had to smile. That’s an assumption I’m glad someone would make about me.

Even though we need to be actively sharing our faith in Christ, the way we live is a huge testimony to who we live for. James instructs us in his self-titled book of the Bible that our actions must match up to our words, saying that faith without works is dead.

Though we are saved by grace through faith (Galations), we are to work out our faith with fear and trembling (Philippians). That includes living in a way that people see Christ in us–without us ever even saying anything.

This is not the first time something like this has happened to me. There are lots of instances I can remember where people stop themselves from telling bad jokes around me, from cussing around me or from inviting me places they already know I won’t go.

I take that as a compliment. Not because I want people to think that I think I’m too good for them, becuase Christ himself was a friend of sinners (point in case, me), but becuase I’m glad they can see a differnece in the way I live.

Even though my co-workers may not agree with my decisions and may even think them strange, I can tell they respect me for living out what I say I believe. Though I’m not close to perfect, my walk matches my walk pretty well.

It’s not really even the not drinking that will make a difference to them, if anything in my life will. I know that it’s the consistancy they see in me through every area of my life–a self controled, spirit-filled consistancy that can only point toward Christ’s residency in me. There are just some things that you can’t fake, and being filled with and living in the blessing of the LORD is one of them.

Christ’s glory cannot be hidden. If we are truely filled with his Spirit, His light will shine before men so that they may see our good deeds and praise our Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).

I just got engaged! Yes, I’m having a hard time focusing and yes I’m more than a little bit distracted. And YES I’m going to devote all 488 words of my blog this week to the fact that I’m getting married!!!

Lucky for me, this actually does fit right in with the focus of my blog. Being a wife and mother is the highest calling a woman can have on her life outside of the call we’ve all received to know Christ and make him known. I think that’s probably part of the reason I’m so absolutely ECSTATIC to be engaged to the love of my life! (Sorry, but I can’t genuinely appologize for my rampant use of exclamation points here I’m excited! )

Anyway, I can’t wait to be a wife. The marriage relationship so beautifully models Christ’s love for and headship of the church and is an incredibly visible witness to the world. I want to make sure that my marriage reflects Christ the right way. The Bible tells us that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Wives are instructed to respect and submit to their husbands as the church respects and submits to Christ.

That means Scott is supposed to love me even when I’m unlovable and I’m supposed to respect him even when he does not seem respectable. Not saying that that will always be easy. In fact, I’m sure it will often be hard. But, giving up is not an option. With Christ’s help, we can work through those times and show the world that there is something different about our marriage. Something different that keeps us together. Something different that makes us not become part of the horrifying divoirce rate statistics.

Being married is going to be a wonderful thing!

I’ve dreamed my whole life–from the time I was a little “pink coat” girl, as my dad calls me–till now, of getting married. I can’t count the times I’ve sat in classes and imagined what it would feel like to have a man get down on his knee and ask me to marry him. I’ve longed to shop for wedding dresses. To pick colors. To ask girls to be my bridesmaids and flower girls. To wear a ring on my left hand where no ring has ever been worn before. To send out invitations. To pour over wedding magazines. To have every right to walk into a wedding shop and actually belong there. To be totally “taken” and promised to one man for marriage.

I have the best man in the world as a fiance and can’t wait to marry him on June 4, 2011! And may I just say that while I write this blog entry, which must be written and submitted in a few short hours, that man is in my kitchen doing the dishes from our chicken fried steak dinner. Um, can you say, “What a catch!”

Wow, I am blessed! And engaged!

It used to be the Sears catalog, full of page after page of dolls and paint sets and dress-up clothes. Now, it’s Hobby Lobby’s Christmas isle. Okay, any isle.

But no matter what age I’ve been, the holiday’s have always meant more stuff. Obviously, that’s not what Christmas is about. At all. But, I’d be lying if I said presents and decorations and hundreds of shiny, twinkling lights didn’t come to mind when I think of Christmas.

Now, just a little disclaimer here…I don’t think any of those things are bad, in and of themselves. But, I do think it would at least do me some good to remember what really matters and what’s most important, not only as we close in on Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Christmas, but all year long.

The Bible says we can’t love the world and Jesus. We have to pick. It’s easy to say, “Oh yes I pick Jesus.” But, when we say we just have to have something or that we just can’t live without such-and-such, I’d venture to say that shows the real condition of our hearts. Don’t you think?

Yeah, not a condition I want to be in.

Now, there is obviously a lot of stuff in my house (and my car and my purse….) that I don’t need. Like nail polish. I won’t die without it. But girl, I’m just about as southern as Aunt Jamima and I sure do like having pretty nails.

The problem arises when I’ve decided that I, queen Sharayah (insert eye roll here, please!), can’t go on without it.

Okay, so that may be a little bit of a stretch to think of someone saying they can’t live without nail polish. Maybe so, but then again, some of my Texas sisters may not think that quite so strange. At any rate, let’s move the example a little further up the spendiness line and maybe a little closer to home. (And yes I did make the spendiness word up. Smile.)

What does it say about my heart when I say I can’t live without my washer and dryer? My car? My garbage disposal? A certain kind of house in a certain kind of neighborhood? My blackberry? Aye yigh yigh (or however in the world I should be spelling that!).

Not quite so easy to let go of all that. But what a glorious freedom there is in finally coming to a place where Jesus is not just enough, but more than enough. Where we are willing to leave it all behind, even if we’re never asked to.

I think that’s a big part of what God’s teaching me now. He’s bringing me to a place where I’m willing to do whatever He says and give up whatever He wants me to, whether He ever tells me to or not.

God may never call me to move to Africa. But I want to be willing to go if He does. He may never call me to live in a double-wide trailer instead of the cute little corner-lot brick house I dream of. But I want to be willing to say I will. He may never ask me to not wear nail polish, buy twinkle lights to hang on my porch or a wreath for my door, but if He does, I don’t want to have trouble saying yes.

A life lived serving Him and in His blessing is way better than anything I can order from the Sears catalog anyway.

You know, sometimes, you just really have something you could say. Something you could add to the conversation. Some little tidbit of information that you would just LOVE to share.

Yeah, happens to me all the time. Like today, when I really wanted to talk about so-and-so and how lousily I think they’re doing their job. But, ugh, I didn’t. Because, I know better.

The things I wanted to say would have been complaints, gossip and a general bad-additude.

I’ve been fighting that bad attitude all week. Truthfully, I know the reasons I feel like being crabby and negative are legitimate, but I know that even if they are, they aren’t neccessary or right.

I’m to have a good attitude even in the midst of being treated wrong, not being respected and things going crummy.

The same thing goes for what comes out of my mouth. No matter how much I want to say it, I know that as a woman of God, I’m called to say only what’s uplifting and praiseworthy.

In Philippians, were told not to grumble or complain. Just a few verses later were told to think on excellent and praiseworthy things–and we all know that often what we think comes out in what we say.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 19:14 which says,

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in my sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”

That’s my prayer, and even though I definitely fall short of that my share of the time, it is the desire of my heart.

Sure makes it easier to keep my mouth shut when I’ve got those verses fluttering around in my head before the words roll of my tongue.

Praise the Lord that He’s given us His word to plant in our hearts. Without it, I KNOW I’d be doing a lot more apologizing to a lot more people– including the so-and-so at work I was able to zip my lips about today.

I’m kind of still shaking.

We went to “Escape from Hell” tonight at the Legacy Worship Center and I was reminded just how much I’ve been saved from. Obviously, the scariness of what I saw tonight doesn’t even begin to compare to the reality of Hell and the eternal separation from God that I deserve – that we all deserve. But, even that pale reminder was just that – a reminder.

I’m often way too quick to forget the depths from which Christ has saved me and the glory to which He promises to take me. In the busyness of life and the commonality of church, I have to say I sometimes need to be reminded just how Awesome God is and how incredibly dreadful life on earth or eternity would be without Him.

That’s the whole reason behind why I live like I do. Why I try my level best to be the girl God would have me to be. He, first of all, deserves to be served. He created the whole world, including me. He then loved the world, including me, so much that He sent His son to die for it. He promises the world, including me, that if we accept Him as our savior and serve Him, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, that we will spend eternity with Him.

The other option is not good. I got about a .000001 percent taste of it tonight, and I gritted my teeth, squinted my eyes, and hummed “Jesus Loves Me” the whole way through. I don’t know about you, but I KNOW that I want to be with Jesus forever.

So, I will serve Him.

As a woman, that will mean I demonstrate God’s love for the church and the church’s submission to Christ by loving and submitting to my husband when I get married and not ever, ever, ever dissolving that marriage. I will make my focus knowing God and making Him known. My sights won’t be set on earthly things like living in a mansion or driving a Lexus, but on helping the hurting, reaching out to the lost, raising children to fear God, and putting my needs behind those of everyone else.

These are the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman. A woman approved by God. A woman rescued from the pits and fire of a very real Hell. A woman who owes her life and the entirety of her being to the Lord. The kind of woman I’m reminded that God has called me to be and that He alone enables me to be.

Soli deo Gloria.

I just don’t think there’s anywhere I’d rather be right now.

Unless I could plug my laptop into a tree, sitting here at my desk with my window open is pretty near perfect. I can hear my wind chimes make their unpredictable music. I can hear the birds discussing which worm is for dinner and which is to save for later. I can feel the fall breeze mosey in and out of my room. I can see my flowers which can finally grow now that that dad gum heat isn’t  blistering them to peices.

I’m just pretty happy.

Which reminds me of something my mind stumbled over these past few days.

In my Stress Management class (which is not stress-free at all, thanks), I’ve been reading about all the different ways to “relax” and be productively-unstressed. I’ve found myself writing scriptures in the margines where the “scholars” voice these “revolutionary” ideas about how to go about de-stressing, and find it quite a hoot that what they’re so surprised about and saying they just “realized,” is what the Bible has been saying for centuries…

Let me just show you what I mean…

One section is titled, “The Choice to Choose Our Thoughts.” Basically, it emphasizes the benefits of positive thinking.

In Philippians 4:8, Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit writes, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

Ephesians 4:23 says through Christ we will be made new in the attitudes of our minds.

Looks like God has the deed to that intellectual property. Bless their hearts. They really thought htey were being original.

The mind is a battlefield, though, and what we let it do, is going to affect what we say and do, and therefore, our disposition, too. Ephesians tells us that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, authorities and powers of this dark age. That’s why in 2 Corinthians, Paul tells us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (10:3-5).

So, duh. Crummy thinking leads to crummy living. Simple to say, not so simple to live.

I’ve memmorized these verses, in particular the 2 Corinthians one, to fight Satan’s attacks.

He knows where to slug me to get me down where I cannot be effective for Christ. He knows if he can get me thinking that I’m inadequate (at keeping my laundry caught up or my nail polish unchipped), that my situation is beyond God’s control (being broke as a joke or feeling like my illness is going to wipe me out for good), or any of the other millions of things he tosses in my this-might-worry-her bucket….he just might get me down for a while.

I don’t want that to be the case. I don’t intend to be the devil’s play toy.

That’s why it’s so importnant to know Scripture. To know what God promises and to know who He is. To know who He says I am. When I think on those truths, and only then, can I really experience God’s peace.

When I remember to rejoice in the Lord always and to take all my cares and worris to Him, then will the peace that passes all understanding guard my heart and mind in Jesus.

The sad part about all of this though, is that my Stress Management textbook doesn’t talk about that fact that all the good, positive thinking in the world won’t do a thing if you’ve not given your life and your heart to the Prince of Peace. The reason I can set my heart on the things above, is because I know the Maker of the things above and below and in the middle. Without placing our trust in Jesus, we can never know true rest.

Jesus doesn’t promise to take us out of the pain–in fact he promises us we will have pain – but he promises that the joy comes in the morning and that through it all, he will never leave us.

I don’t know about you, but  I don’t think that kind of joy can’t be compared to the empty, self-created kind that plain-positive-thinking can bring.

That’s why on days when the world appaers to be crashing down around me, I can still feel the joy and feel I do right now on this beautiful sunshiny fall day.

It’s about Who’s in me, not what’s around me.

Uh, okay, car! Why did you just cut me off in traffic? Don’t you know I have things to do and places to be today!?

or….

Good grief! Whyyyy did you not pick up the phone the first time I called, sweetheart?? Isn’t my call important to you?

or….

Okay, I’m just going to sit here on my side of the car and fold my arms and not talk and purse my lips together until he notices that

obviously he upset me and needs to fix it if he wants to even possibly have a good rest of the night. How dare he offend me and not even say sorry!

Are you squirming yet? I figure if you’re anything like me, at first the accuracy of these scenes getsyou chuckling. But later, did you kind of swallow a bit, realizing just how awful they sound, too.

Um, I did.

Sorry, I’m not trying to put a damper on your Friday night. Honest.

But, if we want to become true women of God, it may take a little toe-thumping along the way. You can just picture me doing the fire ant dance, since I’m stepping on my own toes. I am an equal-opportunity toe-thumper, you see.

Now mayyyybe these things don’t happen to you when you get off work or when you’re driving along in the car with someone or trying to fix someone dinner. (Okay, really. If they don’t, I’m going to have to assume you don’t work, don’t drive and don’t fix dinner.)

Girls, these things DO happen. Insert your own circumstances, but we all have momentary (or slightly more extended) bouts of the “It’s all about me” syndrome.

Now let me write you a prescription. (And yes, I’ll be self-mediating on this one.)

Recognize it’s ALL about God. And if it’s all about God, aint none of it about you! (Me!)

One more time now, cause maybe you were hearing the mom siren from the bathroom or hearing your laundry timer go off during that last line….

It’s ALL about God.

Even Jesus made Himself nothing and took the very nature of a servant and took on the appearance of a man to humble Himself to death on the cross. For US. His attitude put others first and himself last.

Now hold up a minute. So Jesus will willingly LAY DOWN His life for me, but I want to be so full of myself to think I can’t even let someone cut me off or put me down?

As my darling boyfriend would say in one of his sermons: Wow.

I don’t really think anything trips me up so often or so much as my thinking that I deserve to be treated any certain way or that if people don’t act according to my plans, then might as well move to China cause I’m puttin’ up that big of a wall. Guarantee it.

I catch myself doing this ALL the time. If I want a dinner for two after a long day at work, my trigger’s tripped when we make it a “group thang” on the fly. If you interrupt me mid-sentence, I’ll probably just clamp up since you obviously don’t care what I’m saying. If you attack the way I disciplined a child, I’ll take that as a personal slug, not as something that is looking out for the kido’s best interest.

Some people may call it princess. Some may call it primo donna. I call it pretty plumb sinful.

I am not proud of how often I catch myself thinking I am the core of the apple, the hinge on a door or the last can of hairspray on a southern woman’s shelf.

But I’m glad I do catch myself because, boy howdy, I don’t want to stay there. 1) It makes me miserable. I am never so restless or unhappy as when I am operating solely on the make-Sharayah-happy track. 2) It’s nottt lady-like. In fact, it’s downright child-like. 3) It’s even more downright wrong.

Jesus said we are to look not only to our own interests, but to the interests of others (Philippians 2:4). He said to love HIM with all our heart, soul and mind and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). The love for ourselves is assumed there as innate. We don’t need to practice self-love, no matter what that glossy magazine on the salon’s coffee table says. We do need to practice turning our love outward.

It’s just a good reminder to think about why we’re really here. Girls, we have one goal and one alone. That is to make Him famous. To know Him and love Him so authentically that we love people and show them how to know Him.

It doesn’t matter how perfect our manicures are or how “successful” our jobs are or how many people “like” our statuses on facebook. It doesn’t matter if we are respected, if we are treated nicely, if we are listened to or if we are appreciated. It doesn’t matter.

It’s not about us.

I’m really glad my dad told me over and over again that the world doesn’t revolve around me, because now I hear it no less clearly in my memory than I did in person.

We’re all going to forget, we’re all going to get side-tracked and we are ALL going to bristle sometimes when someone ignores what we think is our personal right to fair treatment. But as often as we forget, God will remind us of who we are and who He is. We are the created. He is the creator. And he already created a perfectly good axis for earth so He doesn’t need us to play understudy.

Let’s just focus on being true women who think first of others and use every part of our lives to point people to Christ like solar-powered landscape lights lead people to the porch.

Because, that, is the only thing that matters.

There are songs about it. It’s what makes cosmetics a multi-million dollar a year business. It’s why we often glance in windows to see if we can catch our reflection.

We all want to be beautiful. And what’s more, we want people to see us as beautiful.

Now, I can really only speak to the ladies here. Guys, I haven’t the slightest idea what your hearts’ deep desires are, though I would assume they have something to do with being gruff, driving big trucks and loving beautiful women (or hopefully one woman). But for you ladies, I KNOW you. Even if you deny it, I believe deep down we all desire to be found beautiful. If not, go ahead and tell me you don’t pick the picture that captures you in the “best light” for your facebook profile pic. Tell me you don’t pick a shirt off the rack at Dillard’s with the hopes that it sets you apart and accentuates your beauty. Tell me you don’t suck your tummy in and stand a bit taller when the camera man says cheese.

Yeah, girl. We all do. We want to be beautiful.

But everyday I’m reminded that our beauty is not “skin deep.” Each time I see the girl staring back at me in the bathroom mirror and think she could sure do with just a little bit better skin and a little bit poofier hair, I recall what God says about me and how He made me.

He says I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). He says he planned out how I would be- inside and out- before my daddy ever even picked out my name (Psalm 139:15). He says I am made in His image (Genesis 1:27). He says He knows how many hairs are on my head (Matthew 10:30). ….(So, I guess he does a recount every morning after I yank the brush through my tangly shower hair!)

I find that so refreshing. The God of this whole universe– the One who flung the stars in the sky and the One who paints the sunset that I cannot turn my eyes from at 7 p.m.–HE, made me and HE thinks I’m beautiful.

And just like a cheesy infomercial, it just keeps getting better.

He says it’s not what’s on my outside that makes me beautiful.

He says that “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart” (I Samuel 16:7). (I know I’m at least glad for that at 3 a.m. on Monday morning when I have to get up to go to work.)

But the best part is, even though He sees me as beautiful and created me just how He planned, He’s given us instructions on how to get even more beautiful. It’s like God’s rendition of a glamour magazine’s front cover tease to “Be more stunning in 3 easy steps.”

He says our beauty should not come from outward adornments (jewelry, hairstyles, expensive make-up…), but from “your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (I Peter 3:4).

So is it wrong to fix yourself up? No, I don’t believe it is. And girl, I am ALL about some hairspray and 16-hour, long wear make-up. But is it wrong for us to think that’s what gives us beauty– and unfading beauty, at that? I think it is.

A truly beautiful woman is kind and loving and puts other people before herself. (Yep, even boyfriends, husbands and children who are driving her up the WALL. Actually, especially them.) She is graceful in what she says and respectful in what she does. She doesn’t complain all the time (even when her mascara ran and then her panty-hose did too). She isn’t the one putting-up-with and adding-to the gossip in the office. She isn’t cutting people off in traffic – on the interstate OR in the Wal-Mart check out line.

Girls, that is what God says true beauty is. The kind that will attract a man worth keeping. The kind that isn’t going to fade with age but grow and grow and grow. The only kind I want.

Don’t you want to be truly beautiful?

It’s funny, really. No one squeezes an orange and expects to get apple juice. No one expects a fish to just toughen-up and swim in a waterless tank. No one puts a log on the fire and waits for it to freeze.

Yet, everyday, people expect women to be men. They expect us to act like them, talk like them, work like them, compete with them, and of course, throw like them.

I’d say I’m not sure where the idea comes from that suggests that being woman is not good enough and that women should step up their game to act like men, but come to think of it, that’s not true.

I know exactly where the idea comes from.

It’s Satan’s goal that the beauty of two separate genders becomes dull and that women become discontent with their roles. If he can get us full of unrest and get us working toward something we’ll never succeed in, he’s winning. He wants to see us push away from true womanhood and toward being something we never will be: men.

But boy howdy, I’ll be an ugly shade of cheap lipstick if I’m going to let him get away with that without a fight.

There is so much fulfillment in being who we are created to be. And so much to loose in not.

Tom Rath, in his book Strengths Finder 2.0, talks about how we excel as leaders when we lead from maximizing our strengths, not trying to boost our weaknesses.

I’d say that’s similar to how we should look at women’s roles.

If we focus on being the best at being women that we possibly can, I’m sure we’re going to find ourselves much more effective and successful in our relationships, our jobs and in society as a whole. Thankfully, God’s already given us the guidelines for “true womanhood,” in his Word. How about that for taking the guess-work out of it?

In this blog, I hope to explore how we might get better at “being women,” and embrace who God has made us to be. We might just find that throwing like a girl isn’t such a bad thing.