Downward is the Only Way Forward

The biggest thing that gets on my nerves are movie snobs that can’t get over themselves. Look, I understand great, genre defining movies. Or a new, artsy flick that changes the boundaries of what can happen on film.

But sometimes I want to see shit blow up. Sometimes I want cheesy one-liners. Sometimes I want the muscle-bound idiot to hook up with the blonde bombshell after driving his car off the roof of a skyscrape.

So yes, bring on the “Fast Fives,” “Taken,” “Legion” and all the other campy, corny movies. Sure, Transformers is probably one of the worst movies of all time. But giant robots with explosions in the background? I need at least once of those movies a month.

Every movie has its place. Some are destined to be bound for Oscar glory and praised for generations. Others are for dumbingly entertaining about 300 people for two hours on a boring summer night with nothing else to do. We also need these filler movies to keep us going from week to week — and also make those brilliant movies seem even more so.

I’ve been sitting here thinking how to properly describe Pixar’s brillance in the written form. There are literally endless jump-off points. There’s the incredibly witty, smart writing. The generation-defining technology. The detailed animation. The previously unheard of quality voice-acting. All valid reasons for why Pixar is one of the greatest movie production companies going right now.

But really, when you think about it, the reason Pixar is so great is a very simple reason — they can tell a damn good story.

I know that sounds insanely simple and diluted, but it’s true. The Pixar people are AMAZING storytellers, pure and simple. Their stories offer some basic morals and teach us fundamental lessons in life like stories were originally for. Oh and they’re also entertaining as hell (probably wrong word choice.)

Another big reason? Pixar movies appeal to all ages and types. Their humor extends beyond simple slapstick that had become far too commonplace with children’s movies. Not only has Pixar upped the ante with their hi-brow humor and innuendoes with each passing movie, but they’ve also become more mature with their themes. “Wall-E” showed us what Earth could be like if we continue to be pigs for the next 1,000 years. “Up” has deals with many themes of life: death, love, marriage and even had blood! Also, I believe “Up” is the first Pixar movie in which a character dies on-screen, as the main villain is shown falling to his death trying to jump out of the flying house.

I’m not sure how Pixar can keep it up (no pun intended.) After the two previous movies I just mentioned, along with “Toy Story 2″ Pixar has created three of the finest animated films (and films in general) of all time.

I can’t wait to see what’s next. I could use a good story.

Look at the picture above. Let’s identify all that’s wrong with this picture:

1.) Batman and Robin have nipples on their suits

2.) Robin’s taller than Batman

3.) Robin’s suit is about as identifiable to Robin as I am to Denzel Washington

4.) They’re playing ice hockey to fight goons.

5.) THEY HAVE HOCKEY STICKS AND ARE PLAYING MR. FREEZES ICE GOONS IN A GAME OF ICE HOCKEY.

OK, I know there is more but we don’t have the time. “Batman and Robin” is a steaming pile of crap. I know that. You know that. Your mother knows that. Your dog knows that. The extinct Mayans even know that. But, I’m going to tell you how this horrible, horrible film might be the most important movie to the comic book genre.

I know you just crapped/pee’d your pants (or both). But honestly thing about it. “Batman and Robin” was so bad, that Warner Bros. took eight years to finally issue in the next chapter of their biggest money maker. And that next chapter was “Batman Begins” and its follow-up, “The Dark Knight.” Both genre defining, genre altering movies lead by a talented and bright director.  Let’s say that WB was intimidated by the backlash of the Tim Burton Batman movies for being too dark and gloomy. If WB stayed the course, we very well could be on the same path of mediocre, but not offensive, Batman movies. And with “The Dark Knight”, other comic-book filmmakers had to step up their game, with great renditions “Iron Man” and “Watchmen.” Let’s face it: we needed to endure the absolute suck fest of “Batman and Robin” to get the great, heavenly “The Dark Knight.” So while it is no where near the best, “Batman and Robin” might be the most important comic-book film in the genre’s history. To quote Michael Caine from TDK:

“Things were always going to get worse before they got better.”

Yep, this movie, most important.

Alright everyone, chill.

I know I said I wouldn’t use this blog for review purposes. That I would try to focus on the industry, what I thought and so forth. But after finally seeing “Battle: Los Angeles” I have to say that the movie needs me to touch on it and also what is irking me about its reception.

Let’s cut to the chase with the negatives: “Battle: LA” has a fairly lame script. It does nothing to push the genre and only serves as a reason to take a breath from all the shooting and somewhat care about the characters. There are a few cringe-worthy lines. The characters are fairly one-dimensional.

All that aside, the movie does most everything else well: the shaky camera work at the beginning may irritate some, but I loved the affect it had, placing us right next to the marines as we tried to figure out what the hell was going on right along with them. Are the aliens shooting lasers or bullets? Are those ships? What’s the alien walking turret do? Is it firing missiles or something else? The tries to shy away from a simple explanation to everything. There’s no alien expert that lays out everything the aliens are doing, what they’re made of or how their tech works. We only know what the marines know. The action is relentless and brutal: marines die, there are dead civilians everywhere, buildings crumble. This is war right on America’s homefront with Los Angeles replacing Baghdad. Luckily, while the movie is serious it doesn’t take all emotions out of it. Just because there is war doesn’t mean that there can’t be a laugh or two to break up the dreariness. Also, Aaron Eckhart is outstanding and Michelle Rodriguez finally nails her “tough girl” role: she isn’t flamboyantly displaying the fact that she’s a woman that can kick ass. She’s just another soldier, like any man or woman in the army should be treated. I don’t know about marine protocol or jargon but the movie knocks this out of the park and if it really doesn’t, it fooled me.

“Battle: LA” isn’t perfect. Despite the pervious paragraph, the script does cause some eye rolls and while the score is great in its own right, it is played far too often and I wish the only sounds in some of the battles would of been the gunfire and explosions to give it more impact.

But now this leads me to the overall extremely negative reviews the film is getting. I understand that people are entitled to their opinion and that’s fine. If you don’t like the shaky camera, feel the movie is too macho, doesn’t tap on the breaks or the dialogue kills it, so be it. But I feel most people are slamming the movie for the weak writing and stiff characters without rewarding the film for what it does right. Did these movie reviewers seriously expect to see the future Best Screenplay winner in this film? I wish movie critics could take the critic out of them and try to enjoy films for what they really are. This movie is by no means perfect but it is highly entertaining, realistic and brutal take on a genre that definitely needed a much needed boost.

See “Battle: LA” for a gritty take on an alien invasion, the fantastic set-pieces and nonstop brutal warfare. If you’re expecting “Black Swan 2″ or the dialogue from “The King’s Speech,” then I have nothing left to say to you.

I admit, I get really excited and nerdy for certain movies. Usually it is for something like the next Batman or next Chris Nolan movie. Or even a Pixar movie. Point is, once I become nerdy for a movie, I go to town: I look up trailers, photos, clips, interviews, whatnot and find every piece of info I can. It is my curse though, because the first six minutes or so of “The Dark Knight” were completely spoiled to me. I just can’t help myself.

So when I came across this trailer for “Battle: Los Angeles” over Winter Break, well, needless to say, I was in awe:

It is such a haunting trailer. Beautiful imagery and of coure that creepy techno song that wonderfully meshes with the destruction and war visuals. I have been patiently awaiting the release of this flick and love that as much as I dig to find out about it, nothin turns up. About all I know is that aliens attack, marines are called in and it gets crazy. I have no idea what their motives are or really what the aliens even look like — they seem to look like robots or be mechanical in some way.

I realize that the alien-invasion genre isn’t the best for great movies. We all love “Independence Day,” but mainly because of the great visuals (at the time), the cheesy acting and of course, Will Smith. Serious attempts in the genre haven’t panned out too well, with the most recent offering “Skyline,” being a complete waste of film.

I hold hope for this flick, mainly because the trailer is just so gosh damn awesome. I mean COME ON. Watch it again, you know you want to. Also, it stars Aaron Eckhart who is a very talented actor who doesn’t attach himself to a project just to earn a quick buck. If he’s on board, there’s a good chance the movie has something special, or at least Eckhart will give it all he’s got.

I understand this movie could completely suck with shoddy writing and iffy special effects. But in a world where the most blockbusters release in the summer, this spring flick could really start the movie watching season off with a bang.

Don’t get me wrong, I my favorite TV show, book, comic book, short story or toy being transformed into a hollywood visualization. I mean, “The Dark Knight” is one of my favorite movies of all time and I loved the first two Sam Raimi “Spider-Man” films.

The problem is every time the green preview screen pops up before I witness the newest trailer while at the movies, there’s nothing new. Another Transformers movie? Did the second one not put enough suck into one movie? Another mediocre Marvel character that no one has heard of is getting a movie? I guess “Punisher” and “Daredevil” just didn’t satisfy.

I have no qualms with the fans of their favorite properties flaming me or being excited for their movie. They should be. Every fan should be able to experience the excitement of finally seeing their favorite characters on the big screen. The problem is a new comic-book movie or sequel is being churned out every year, with each movie becoming progressively void of any originality.

Each movie is piped in within a two year time frame and not enough time to grow or become well-made. This plagued the second “Iron Man” and “Transformers.” I feel like a big budget adaptation is becoming the “Call of Duty” of movies — there’s one each year with slightly better upgrades, and becoming progressively more boring.

Christopher Nolan is NOT nominated for a Best Director Oscar at the Academy Awards this year.

Here is a list of Christopher Nolan’s films with the Rotten Tomatoes average. I know Rotten Tomatoes isn’t the be all, end all but it works well enough. Remember, this is Nolan’s entire filmography:

Follwing — 76%

Memento — 93%

Insomnia — 92%

Batman Begins — 84%

The Prestige — 75%

The Dark Knight — 94%

Inception — 86%

A 70% is usually the baseline of what is considered a good movie. If you didn’t notice, all of Nolan’s films are well above that mark. In fact, he has THREE 90% or higher, which is the tier that is considered one of the top movies of the last few years if not of that generation. Throw in two in the 80s, which usually means in the running for best movie of the year, and it absolutely shocks me that Nolan has failed to be even nominated for a Best Director. Memento and The Dark Knight completely changed the genres they were in. Inception was the freshest and most innovative movie of the last decade. Insomnia brought together a great plot and put two incredible actors into some interesting roles outside of their comfort levels.

There isn’t much else to say. I could write over 1,000 words on why each movie changed my life and continues to amaze me every time I turn one of them on. Nolan is the greatest director of our generation, and his movies are proof. He not only directs these masterpieces but also writes them too, for good measure. I’m not sure what else Nolan has to do to pick up a nomination. Probably has to have Batman in the Holocaust era teach nazi children how to read while also cleaning up the streets of Berlin.

Actually. That’s be pretty freaking awesome.

Since this is my first post, I figure it would be keen of me to let you know what’s going on. I’ll spare the bullsh — this is going to be my completely biased and unfiltered opinions and views of the Hollywood entertainment industry. Don’t worry. I won’t be updating you on what Kim Kardashian wore to the SAG awards or anything like that. This will pretty much be you entering my world and viewpoint on movies: the best ones, why things should change, what director rocks, what studio should have a statue erected, etc.

First, to get a couple of things out of the way

1.) Batman is my favorite fictional character of all time. If you think that is low-brow of me, then you haven’t really comprehended the complexity and depth of the character as a whole.

2.) Pixar can (apparently) do no wrong.

3.) I don’t have Netflix

I know, I know. You’re probably either thinking one of three things: This guys a total dweeb, “Find Nemo” was so cute or how can any self-described movie lover and fanatic be so without owning Netflix? Don’t worry. I think over the next few months I’ll win you over. But you’re right about one thing…

I am a total dweeb.