I will say this to kick off the night.
I’m struck at the very beginning of the episode how Des said
“I really couldn’t have picked a better group of guys.”
Did you black out in the first episode?
I think you’re selling yourself a little short, but I’m still super hopeful that as the season goes on we will fall in love with at least a couple of them. We always do, right?
My first thought this episode is that No Shirt Zac is looking SUPER cute.
He doesn’t get much air time this episode, and I’m left wanting more!
He even looks cute with his eyes closed, and I love a baseball t.
Brooks got the first 1:1.
Uh oh. The first date is at a bridal salon.
The awkward meter immediately started firing off in my head….
But Brooks totally rolled with it and they just had fun.
I really liked him on the date!
First stop, bridal salon.
Next stop, food truck for wedding cake.
Third stop, the second L of the Hollywood sign for a picnic in their wedding attire..
Fourth stop, private candlelit dinner at the end of a blocked off street with (I know this is going to be shocking) a private concert at the end of the street.
If the number of dimples Brooks has is any indication of his longevity in the competition, then homeboy is going to stick around for awhile.
I thought that their conversation about their families and marriage was really sweet.
I think he’s gonna go far, but if he doesn’t get the final rose, he will totally get a contract with Crest.
#thosedimples #thoseteeth #toothpastecontract
And if the toothpaste companies don’t come calling, I’m thinking Pantene is probably next in line.
Although, I will throw it out there that his hair may have had a touch
too much product in it.
Still, well done Brooks.
You won me over on this date.
Next is the big group date.
Harrison shows up to hand out the group date card, and there seemed to have been an impromptu colored v-neck competition going on.
And these 3 are all IN IT TO WIN IT.
I would like to declare Mikey the winner.
Sun-washed pink DEEP v-neck FOR THE WIN Mikey!
The producers outdid themselves with the group date.
The fellas (did you notice how many times they said “fellas” last night? I felt like I was watching PeeWee’s playhouse and it was the word of the day) were going to film a music video with
The idea of all of these seriously
white boys dancing with Soulja Boy had me giddy with anticipation.
And the date did not disappoint.
I do want to put it out there that I am feeling super sorry for Soulja Boy at this juncture in his career.
And let’s just take a moment to look at his shoes.
They confuse me.
This is t.v. gold.
The title of the video is “Here for the right reasons” and you will hear that phrase approximately 12,376 times over the course of the show.
They had different guys rapping as if they were former contestants.
Not good with the names yet, so bare with me.
One guy talked about “pulling a Mesnick”.
They had Brandon talking about “guarding and protecting her heart”.
They put this poor guy in panties and a vest, and he actually used the phrase “jiggle my junk” at one point. I may or may not have crawled under my kitchen table and started rocking back and forth.
And please pay special attention to the middle picture.
Why in the world was he sitting spread eagle sans pants?
Before moving on, let’s go back to panty boy for a second.
This is the SAME GUY.
The video is over and it’s time to go to the cocktail party.
No shirt Zac has a shirt on.
He actually seems super sweet,
and I think he did a great job redeeming himself from the clothes embargo.
I’m not really sure about the whole used journal thing. I couldn’t get Dad and Cara out of my head. Who were these people? Could they possibly be watching? Could Dad be looking over at Cara like WHAT THE HECK?
Or, and just go with me here,
could it be possible that one of the producers just picked up an empty journal at Barnes and Noble, scribbled a little note on it, and then gave it to Zac to give to Des.
Ben has some alone time Des, and he gets a kiss.
And here is where I would like to address the editing department.
Dear Editing Department,
I don’t like hearing the kissing sounds.
Where are their microphones? In their mouths?
The sounds kind of make my gag reflex kick up.
Please, I beg you, turn the volume down.
If I have to see tongues, I would prefer not to hear them too.
Bryden got the second 1:1.
And I must again request for somebody to hand me some gel.
But that’s all it was. Just fine.
I didn’t see a real spark.
He told us about a horrible accident he was in. And his show-and-tell was complete with visual aids of the accident scene and his injuries.
After they have dinner they head to the hot tub (the first hot tub scene of the season)!
I found myself trying to telepathically communicate with Des and will her to just slowly lean in for a kiss and gently tousle his hair a little bit.
That’s all it needs! Just a good tousle!
COME ON DES!
Run your fingers through his hair already!!!!
And maybe have a little bit of product close by.
I did love it when Des said “just kiss me already”.
THANK YOU DES!
I was going to hide under a blanket if the two of them just kept going back and forth like they were.
The conversation went something like this….
Des: This was fun.
Bryden: Yeah. It was fun.
Des: I really enjoyed myself.
Bryden: Me too. It was fun.
Des: I’m really glad you went on this date with me.
Bryden: This sure has been a lot of fun.
It was riveting.
But then Des was all like “KISS ME ALREADY.”
Ooh wait, I just had an idea.
Maybe Brooks can just casually stroll by and rub his head on Bryden’s and transfer some of his product to Bryden.
That could work.
Now it’s cocktail party time, which should really just be known as
THE PARADE OF MALADIES.
EVERYBODY had a story of personal growth and eventual triumph.
We already heard about Bryden’s accident.
Brandon then told us how he raised his family because his dad left and his mom was a drug addict.
(I did feel awful for Brandon. I can’t imagine. Good for him for coming out of it!)
And then Cutie Patootie Michael G. pulled Des aside at the cocktail party and was telling her about the fact that he has Type 1 Diabetes.
|found on google image, but couldn’t fine original source
This was the point that @Possessionista encouraged everybody to tweet their maladies.
If you don’t follow @Possessionista on twitter, that’s a crying shame.
She is SO MUCH FUN to follow during The Bachelor.
Some of my favorites:
I can never shave my knees correctly. #thestruggle
I wore head gear in middle school. My mom laughed at me.
Irrational fear of popsicle sticks.
I have seasonal allergies.
I think my cat might be bullimic.
Because let’s be honest, if you are going to be on The Bachelor series, you totally need a back story.
I thought on it for a minute, and here’s mine:
I have a really small bladder.
A really small bladder.
Like, stupid small.
Right in the middle of Michael’s diabetes story, Ben swooped in and stole Des right out from under him….EVEN THOUGH BEN ALREADY HAD A ROSE.
And let me just say, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a group of guys get more collectively fired up.
Not a one of them appreciated the swoopage.
Actually, to say that they were FIRED UP would be like saying that the sun is lukewarm.
I think it’s safe to say that the guys are not a fan of Ben.
I’m not totally sure why (although I do agree since he already had a rose he should have stepped aside a bit)..but if The Bachelor series has taught us anything, it’s to trust the majority in the house.
So, right now I’m still a fan of Ben,
but I want to recognize that I know that most likely won’t last long.
Who went home?
1) the yoga dude
2) Zach Morris
3) some guy I’ve never seen before
I do already have something to say about next week’s episode.
I’ve now decided I don’t like Ben either.
HOW COULD I?
Did we learn nothing from Ryan’s unfortunate wardrobe choice?
UPDATE: In Ben’s description subcaption box, it says he is an entrepreneur and it comes out that he owns a bar in Dallas, TX. Well I don’t know what his definition of being an owner of a business is but I don’t think being a weekend bartender at the bar he says he “owns” classifies as being an “owner”. (Especially when the actual owner of the bar seriously dated one of my very close friends and confirmed this information.) Nice try Benny boy. You are officially one of Dallas’ finest tools.
Okay…that’s all for The Bachelorette this week!