My biggest frustration as an Alzheimer’s caregiver is grandma constantly moving things. It’s really the only thing that drives me to anger then tears.
I woke up this morning actually hungry. I had a new carton of lovely Greek yogurt that I was craving. Greek yogurt is a thick, tangy concoction, traditionally eaten with honey. A few months ago a purchased a giant jar of locally collected honey, fragrant and delicious, just for this purpose. This morning it was gone.
I searched the kitchen for it. All the cabinets, all the counter tops, the fridge. I even searched the utility room, which is grandma’s default place for moving things she perceives to be in her way. I was tired, groggy and hungry, and the more I searched the angrier I got. I started slamming doors and muttering desperately, “I just want some honey. That’s all I want.” I eventually gave up on my pipe-dream of actual food, and grabbed a meal replacement shake instead.
By the time I sat down at my computer I was in tears. I was actually going to make good on my commitment to eat real food, and I was thwarted. I know it’s not her fault. I know it’s normal for me to feel anger and frustration. But oh, how it hurts to know my despair is so close to the surface these days.